From the time I was born on August 29, 1988 until 7th grade, I went to bible school every summer. I also went to church on holidays, like Christmas, and Easter, but that was it. I didn’t have to go to church, since our family stayed home on Sundays. So, as I got older, I really didn't believe in God, although I did think that something was out there. But what I experienced as a teenager made me believe in God completely.
The summer before I turned sixteen, I met younger teenagers who introduced me to their older friends. I was introduced to drinking alcohol and smoking marijuana, and I began sneaking out of my house at midnight and not coming back until five a.m., when my mother would start getting ready for work. But after I turned 16, I had a major life-changing experience, when I was involved with three other people in a serious, supposedly fatal accident.
The night of Oct. 9th, 2004, my friends and I wanted to have a little pre-Halloween fun, but things didn't go as planned. I snuck out of my house as usual, like I did every weekend, but this night was different. One of my friends, who was with my boyfriend at the time, called me up to tell me that my boyfriend was really drunk, and that she had never seen him that way. But, although he was supposed to drive the car that night, no one was worried; everyone trusted him, since he always drove drunk and never had an accident before. I decided that I wanted to be the driver, but I never got the chance. I realize now that if I had, I wouldn't be like I am today.
My boyfriend drove all of us to a town that was over an hour away, where there was supposedly a haunted cemetery out in the country. As we were getting near the cemetery, we approached a T-intersection that had a missing traffic sign. We ended up going straight through the intersection, down a ditch and into a tree.
Everyone in the car was hurt, but I was in the worst condition. My friends had injuries like a broken wrist, broken jaw, dislocated hip, fractured vertebrae, fractured ankle, punctured lung and so on. My injuries included a severed artery leading from my heart to my brain, two collapsed lungs, a ripped trachea, and a couple of fractured vertebrae.
I flat lined twice, first at the scene of the accident, and then in the ambulance, as I was being rushed to the hospital. Once I arrived, I was given a battery of tests, and prepped for an abdominal procedure to see if anything was wrong with my internal organs. Since I wasn’t breathing and had an air leakage, my body was swollen and red from the oxygen getting under my skin.
Then, the next day, on my parent’s wedding anniversary, I had a stroke that not only saved my life, but ruined it, as well. No one could figure out what was wrong with me. I was bleeding internally and I was on my deathbed (I was only given a 3% chance to live). Then, as my brain surgeon reviewed my CT scan in preparation for brain surgery, he found that I had severed the artery leading from my heart to my brain. I had emergency open heart surgery to repair the problem (it was suppose to take 6 hours, but the doctors ended up doing it in 2).
As a result of the stroke, I was paralyzed on the left side of my body. My doctors thought I would never be able to walk again, and that I would use a wheelchair for the rest of my life. But, after 14 days or so in ICU, I was finally able to move some on my left side. Evidently, on that night, things were abnormal all over the unit. (Keep in mind that I don't remember anything about being in the ICU, since I was always sedated, so I'm only relating what others have told me.) All of the machines shut down at one point, a man who was in a coma woke up, and said he was hungry, and then, I told my nurse I could move my arm and my leg.
I also don’t remember this conversation, but my father says that the next day I told him, "I saw Jesus. He said everyone is praying for me, and that I'll be all right." (I didn’t believe in God at the time, so why would I make this up?) I was on a lot of prayer lists. I was told people from around the world were praying for me including soldiers, truckers who heard of me, and communicated back and forth, and a minister, who came up to Illinois from Mississippi because God told her there was a little girl that was dying and needed to be saved.
From then on, everything got better. I was moved to pediatrics and started therapy to retrain my mind and body. Even though I could only drink liquids, and walk in a walker, I was very determined to get out of the hospital. I remember telling my dad, “I'm going to run out of this hospital when I leave, and I'm going to get through this."
Things improved little by little. Once I was able to chew solid food, I was moved to rehab where the REAL work began. For two weeks, I had speech therapy, physical therapy, and occupational therapy, several times a day, everyday. But, I was finally able to walk on my own, and after being in the hospital for 33 days, I walked out on Nov. 12, 2004.
I missing going to school, and I was tired of rehabilitation, so 4 days after I left the hospital, I made the decision to go back to school. I continued to have out-patient therapy for 8 more months after my stroke. I stopped for a while, but then I noticed a limp in my walk, so I went back to physical therapy again, for a short time.
I still have many problems resulting from the stroke: I limp when I walk, I have no feeling on my left side and my left hand is not coordinated. I still have short-term memory problems, as well as cognitive problems, which include difficulty processing numbers. Also, among other things, I didn’t feel good about how I looked when I walked among other people, so I worked with a psychologist for 2 years.
Finally, a year and a half post-stroke, I noticed that I was developing a hammer-claw toe, and that my Achilles tendon on my left foot was getting shorter. I had acupuncture and soft tissue massage done on my foot, and I tried 3 different braces, but nothing helped. I recently had to have surgery to lengthen my tendon, and to put implants in my toes to straighten them out. (So far, I'm not happy with the results, since two of my toes are still curling, but at different joints than the ones the doctor fused.)
At this time, I live in Illinois, and I’m going to college in Kansas. Taking classes has been very challenging. Because it’s hard for me to work with numbers, I’ve had trouble studying math. When I had the stroke, I was a sophomore in high school, and I was taking geometry, but after I returned to school, I failed the remainder of the class. I took it again the following year, and I barely got by. I took Algebra II, and I failed that, as well.
Since I have trouble with my short term memory, it’s also been hard to learn new languages. When I returned to high school after my stroke, I was in the middle of my second year of Spanish. I tried to finish the year, but I found that it was too difficult to memorize new words. I had planned to try Spanish again, since I still use some of it, but my parents discouraged me. (My doctor told me and my parents that I won’t be able to learn another language.) However, right now I'm trying to teach myself Japanese. It’s more difficult than Spanish, but it helps that my boyfriend is from Japan.
So, overall, college has been very challenging. Before my stroke, I was an A and B student, and after my stroke, I was struggling just to get C's and D's. I still work very hard to get just average grades, so I was proud of myself for getting all C's and B's my first year of college. I didn’t think I could do it, but I did.
It will be four years this October since my stroke, and I’m still struggling to be “normal” again. Since my initial stroke, I’ve had TIA's (mini-strokes) that have caused me to be hospitalized. I’m currently on Coumadin, and my doctor says I’ll probably be on it the rest of my life. I still get depressed over what happened. I still get mad at myself for getting in a car with a drunk driver; I blame myself for being naïve. And, I wish that all this had never happened to me.
But even though I try to live my life as normally as possible, I know that miracles can happen. I went from being on my deathbed and suffering a stroke, to walking out of the hospital only 33 days later. Because of my stroke, I’ve learned to never give up on anything. I’m a very determined person now. I say that anything is possible, and I can prove it.
Thursday, July 31, 2008
My Childish Ways
I realize I act so young and immature sometimes. I act like my dad and I hate it. I am so stubborn. I got into a fight well not really a fight, with my boyfriend about something so stupid.
I was playing around with him and I pulled one of his 'happy trail' hairs and he hit me. I didn't know if he was playing around or what, but he looked mean, and he hit me a lot harder than what would be his 'playful' hit. So I got upset that he hit me. I felt like he actually wanted to hurt me...i don't know.
So I didn't speak to him for an hour or so, and the whole time we both were laying on the bed, I was on the computer and he was playing a game. But we didn't speak. Finally he said something like 'what did I do wrong?'. I told him about how I felt, I don't want to be hit at all, I don't think a woman should ever be hit from a man, no matter what situation it is. Also I don't believe I deserved to be hit from just pulling a hair of his.
And I know what it feels like to have a hair pulled, and it doesn't hurt at all, I get hair waxed, and I don't need to hit someone, because I feel a little pain. He has no pain tolerance.
But anyways getting to my point. I act so childish. He asked me somethings, and I just said the bare minium, 'yes, no, i don't know, etc' I'm such like my dad and I hate it. I am so stubborn. He said I'm sorry to me and I just kind of ignored him, I just said okay. I feel like a bitch. I don't know why I'm like this, its probably because for 20 years I have seen this bahavior happen. I feel like I want to say something, but I just can't. It's like I have to be proud and hold my head high, and not give in.
Well I should say sometimes I don't do that. Sometimes, when I know I am 100% wrong I will say Sorry, but othertimes, when I don't think I am wrong I will act like a headstrong bitch.
I don't know, I wish I can change it, but its so hard.
I was playing around with him and I pulled one of his 'happy trail' hairs and he hit me. I didn't know if he was playing around or what, but he looked mean, and he hit me a lot harder than what would be his 'playful' hit. So I got upset that he hit me. I felt like he actually wanted to hurt me...i don't know.
So I didn't speak to him for an hour or so, and the whole time we both were laying on the bed, I was on the computer and he was playing a game. But we didn't speak. Finally he said something like 'what did I do wrong?'. I told him about how I felt, I don't want to be hit at all, I don't think a woman should ever be hit from a man, no matter what situation it is. Also I don't believe I deserved to be hit from just pulling a hair of his.
And I know what it feels like to have a hair pulled, and it doesn't hurt at all, I get hair waxed, and I don't need to hit someone, because I feel a little pain. He has no pain tolerance.
But anyways getting to my point. I act so childish. He asked me somethings, and I just said the bare minium, 'yes, no, i don't know, etc' I'm such like my dad and I hate it. I am so stubborn. He said I'm sorry to me and I just kind of ignored him, I just said okay. I feel like a bitch. I don't know why I'm like this, its probably because for 20 years I have seen this bahavior happen. I feel like I want to say something, but I just can't. It's like I have to be proud and hold my head high, and not give in.
Well I should say sometimes I don't do that. Sometimes, when I know I am 100% wrong I will say Sorry, but othertimes, when I don't think I am wrong I will act like a headstrong bitch.
I don't know, I wish I can change it, but its so hard.
Tuesday, July 1, 2008
My Story
From the time I was born on August 29, 1988 until 7th grade I went to bible school every summer. I went to church on holidays, like Christmas, and Easter, and that was it. I didn’t have to go to church, our family stayed home on Sundays. So getting older I really didn't believe in god, but I thought something was out there. But what I had experienced as a teenager made me believe in God completely.
The summer before I had turned sixteen, I had met younger teenagers, who introduced me to their older friends. I was finally introduced to drinking, smoking marijuana, and sneaking out of my house at midnight and not coming back until five a.m. when my mother would start getting ready for work. After I turned 16, I had a Major Life-Changing Experience. Three others and myself were involved in a serious supposedly fatal accident. We wanted to have a little pre-Halloween fun on Oct. 9th 2004. But things didn't go as planned. My boyfriend at the time also the driver, was intoxicated. Everyone trusted him driving that way, because he always drove drunk and he never had an accident. We thought we were invincible. Until that night.
I snuck out of my house as usual, like I did every weekend. This night was different than the others, one of my friends that was with my boyfriend at the time, called me up and told me my boyfriend was really drunk, she hadn't seen him like this before. I really didn't think anything of it, but I insisted that I would drive. I never got to drive, I realize now that if I would have, I wouldn't be like how I am today. Well my boyfriend drove to a town that that was over an hour away, there was suppose to be this haunted cemetery there. We were near the cemetery but there was no sign for a T intersection and we went straight through the intersection in the country, down a ditch and hit a tree. Everyone involved was hurt. I was in the worst condition. Everyone else’s injuries included...a broken wrist, broken jaw, dislocated hip, fractured vertebrae, fractured ankle, punctured lung and so on.
My injuries were...a severed artery leading from my heart to my brain, both lungs collapsed, my trachea ripped, a couple of fractured vertebrae. I flat lined twice, once at the scene another in an ambulance. I was rushed to the hospital, and was prepped for an abdominal procedure to see if anything was wrong with my organs. Since I was not breathing and had an air leakage, my body was swollen, and red from the oxygen getting under my skin. The next day was my parents anniversary and I had a stroke, that basically saved my life and ruined it as well. No one knew what was wrong with me, because I was bleeding internally and I was on my deathbed. I was given a 3% chance to live. A brain surgeon looked at my CT scan, because since I had a stroke doctors were going to prepare for brain surgery. As my doctor looked at my results, he found that I had a severed artery. I had open heart surgery that was suppose to take 6 hours and the doctors did it in 2. From the stroke I was paralyzed on my left side of my body. Doctors thought that I would never be able to walk or I would be wheel-chair bound for the rest of my life. After 14 days or so in ICU, I moved some of my left side. (Keep in mind I don't remember anything in ICU, I was always sedated, and I'm telling what others have said to me)That night that I moved, things were abnormal in the unit. All of the machines shut down at one point, and a man that was in a coma woke up and said he was hungry, I told my nurse I could move my arm and my leg. The next day I told my father(I don’t remember any of this)that, "I saw Jesus, he said everyone is praying for me, and that I'll be alright." I didn’t believe in god at the time, so why would I make this up. I was told people from across the world were praying for me, soldiers, I was on a lot of prayer lists, truckers heard of me, and communicated back and forth, a minister came up to Illinois from Mississippi because God told her there was a little girl that was dying and needs to be saved.
From then on, everything got better. I was moved to pediatrics and started therapy to retrain my mind and body. Even though I could only drink liquids, and walk in a walker I had so much determination to get out of the hospital. I remember telling my dad, that "I'm going to run out of this hospital when I leave, and I'm going to get through this." After things were rolling and improving little by little I was able to chew solids, I moved to rehab where the REAL therapy happened. I had speech therapy, physical therapy, and occupational therapy several times a day everyday. and was able to walk on my own. After being in the hospital for 33 days, I walked out on Nov. 12th. I have been missing school, sick of the hospital so I wanted to go back to school. I came back to school 4 days after I left the hospital.
It will be four years this October and I am still struggling to be 'normal' again. I have had TIA's (mini-stroke), and I have been hospitalized due to those TIA's. Currently I am on Coumadin, and my doctor says I will most likely be on it for the rest of my life. I just had surgery on my left foot because I have had problems that resulted from the stroke. But I still try and continue to live my life as normal as possible. I know miracles can happen, from being on my deathbed and suffering from a stroke to walking out in only 33 days. From now on, I say anything is possible and I can prove it. From my injury, I never give up on anything, and I am a very determined person now
The summer before I had turned sixteen, I had met younger teenagers, who introduced me to their older friends. I was finally introduced to drinking, smoking marijuana, and sneaking out of my house at midnight and not coming back until five a.m. when my mother would start getting ready for work. After I turned 16, I had a Major Life-Changing Experience. Three others and myself were involved in a serious supposedly fatal accident. We wanted to have a little pre-Halloween fun on Oct. 9th 2004. But things didn't go as planned. My boyfriend at the time also the driver, was intoxicated. Everyone trusted him driving that way, because he always drove drunk and he never had an accident. We thought we were invincible. Until that night.
I snuck out of my house as usual, like I did every weekend. This night was different than the others, one of my friends that was with my boyfriend at the time, called me up and told me my boyfriend was really drunk, she hadn't seen him like this before. I really didn't think anything of it, but I insisted that I would drive. I never got to drive, I realize now that if I would have, I wouldn't be like how I am today. Well my boyfriend drove to a town that that was over an hour away, there was suppose to be this haunted cemetery there. We were near the cemetery but there was no sign for a T intersection and we went straight through the intersection in the country, down a ditch and hit a tree. Everyone involved was hurt. I was in the worst condition. Everyone else’s injuries included...a broken wrist, broken jaw, dislocated hip, fractured vertebrae, fractured ankle, punctured lung and so on.
My injuries were...a severed artery leading from my heart to my brain, both lungs collapsed, my trachea ripped, a couple of fractured vertebrae. I flat lined twice, once at the scene another in an ambulance. I was rushed to the hospital, and was prepped for an abdominal procedure to see if anything was wrong with my organs. Since I was not breathing and had an air leakage, my body was swollen, and red from the oxygen getting under my skin. The next day was my parents anniversary and I had a stroke, that basically saved my life and ruined it as well. No one knew what was wrong with me, because I was bleeding internally and I was on my deathbed. I was given a 3% chance to live. A brain surgeon looked at my CT scan, because since I had a stroke doctors were going to prepare for brain surgery. As my doctor looked at my results, he found that I had a severed artery. I had open heart surgery that was suppose to take 6 hours and the doctors did it in 2. From the stroke I was paralyzed on my left side of my body. Doctors thought that I would never be able to walk or I would be wheel-chair bound for the rest of my life. After 14 days or so in ICU, I moved some of my left side. (Keep in mind I don't remember anything in ICU, I was always sedated, and I'm telling what others have said to me)That night that I moved, things were abnormal in the unit. All of the machines shut down at one point, and a man that was in a coma woke up and said he was hungry, I told my nurse I could move my arm and my leg. The next day I told my father(I don’t remember any of this)that, "I saw Jesus, he said everyone is praying for me, and that I'll be alright." I didn’t believe in god at the time, so why would I make this up. I was told people from across the world were praying for me, soldiers, I was on a lot of prayer lists, truckers heard of me, and communicated back and forth, a minister came up to Illinois from Mississippi because God told her there was a little girl that was dying and needs to be saved.
From then on, everything got better. I was moved to pediatrics and started therapy to retrain my mind and body. Even though I could only drink liquids, and walk in a walker I had so much determination to get out of the hospital. I remember telling my dad, that "I'm going to run out of this hospital when I leave, and I'm going to get through this." After things were rolling and improving little by little I was able to chew solids, I moved to rehab where the REAL therapy happened. I had speech therapy, physical therapy, and occupational therapy several times a day everyday. and was able to walk on my own. After being in the hospital for 33 days, I walked out on Nov. 12th. I have been missing school, sick of the hospital so I wanted to go back to school. I came back to school 4 days after I left the hospital.
It will be four years this October and I am still struggling to be 'normal' again. I have had TIA's (mini-stroke), and I have been hospitalized due to those TIA's. Currently I am on Coumadin, and my doctor says I will most likely be on it for the rest of my life. I just had surgery on my left foot because I have had problems that resulted from the stroke. But I still try and continue to live my life as normal as possible. I know miracles can happen, from being on my deathbed and suffering from a stroke to walking out in only 33 days. From now on, I say anything is possible and I can prove it. From my injury, I never give up on anything, and I am a very determined person now
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