My Childish Ways

I realize I act so young and immature sometimes. I act like my dad and I hate it. I am so stubborn. I got into a fight well not really a fight, with my boyfriend about something so stupid.

I was playing around with him and I pulled one of his 'happy trail' hairs and he hit me. I didn't know if he was playing around or what, but he looked mean, and he hit me a lot harder than what would be his 'playful' hit. So I got upset that he hit me. I felt like he actually wanted to hurt me...i don't know.

So I didn't speak to him for an hour or so, and the whole time we both were laying on the bed, I was on the computer and he was playing a game. But we didn't speak. Finally he said something like 'what did I do wrong?'. I told him about how I felt, I don't want to be hit at all, I don't think a woman should ever be hit from a man, no matter what situation it is. Also I don't believe I deserved to be hit from just pulling a hair of his.

And I know what it feels like to have a hair pulled, and it doesn't hurt at all, I get hair waxed, and I don't need to hit someone, because I feel a little pain. He has no pain tolerance.

But anyways getting to my point. I act so childish. He asked me somethings, and I just said the bare minium, 'yes, no, i don't know, etc' I'm such like my dad and I hate it. I am so stubborn. He said I'm sorry to me and I just kind of ignored him, I just said okay. I feel like a bitch. I don't know why I'm like this, its probably because for 20 years I have seen this bahavior happen. I feel like I want to say something, but I just can't. It's like I have to be proud and hold my head high, and not give in.

Well I should say sometimes I don't do that. Sometimes, when I know I am 100% wrong I will say Sorry, but othertimes, when I don't think I am wrong I will act like a headstrong bitch.

I don't know, I wish I can change it, but its so hard.